Monika Red Diary

September 24th, 2025

My last post was my return to this site. Talking about how things are managed, that they weren’t perfect and that things were going to be fine for now. That changed immediately as my employment, which is the cornerstone to everything I need, has been put in question. I am once again facing somewhat of a layoff. This is a little different. And this time, I have at least close to a month’s notice.

While it does seem that there are a few ways out of this for me, the time I have is so little. There are no guarantees in any direction. I’m having to continuously reach out to people, and I’m already so goddamn tired. I was supposed to be at fucking peace in this stage. I’m now having to worry about my power getting shutoff, losing my job/looking for a new path and trying to save and plan for the future. The future involving my healthcare, what my work is gonna look like, healthcare, an ongoing court case, AND a predatory loan I need to payoff ASAP.

Let me explain things

I am currently sitting at work. Basically doing and accomplishing nothing. Friday of last week, I get a call from my recruiter saying they won’t be able to extend our contracts. Didn’t really bat an eye because I thought our contracts were 6 months long the standard. Our payroll had our contract end date before the end of October, which is 3 months. I asked them about it before and they told me not to worry, the plan is to go six months.

He informs me that I am consistently rated pretty much the top performer out of my group, and that they would be trying to switch me over to the team I was with last time I was laid off by them. This is already sketch, but I have the experience, and if I’m the only one dealing with it, I’m a lot less likely to be questioned in terms of getting converted. He said he would be trying to get whatever role for that team he can find my way. Saying to me that he should be expecting something in the next couple of weeks.

Switch over to Monday this week

I am suddenly being told to check my work email. We had apparently gotten a mass email saying that our contracts wouldn’t be extended past October. Told us to send in our updated resumes so they can potentially find us new work. I know this is bullshit, because my last recruiting company said the same shit and never reached out to me after. And I knew it was bullshit then too. I hate how normalized it is for companies to just do this. The entire group I’m in feels like we were set up to fail. And to some degree, they did in fact drag me down with them. Earnestly, if they had been more like me, found something to do, and split off, this wouldn’t be happening.

Judge me if you want, I was already getting in the habit of just leaving earlier as there is nothing to do. Just playing games on the company laptop. Shit I could do at home basically. Monday, I lied and said I was going to try and figure out something with that team at a different campus. I went home. And yesterday, I didn’t come back. Nobody really messaged me. It wasn’t hard to craft somewhat of an alibi. I messaged one of my leads. He couldn’t really help me in getting tools himself and instructed me to nag people.

I was honestly considering not coming today either, been considering “working from home and saying I’ve just been looking for tools. They didn’t approve my time sheet for last week though, so I got nervous and came in.

——

Draft that I never finished or posted, will be doing an update soon.

It’s so eerie that the last post I had made on this blog was how empty and suicidal I was feeling. As the title implies, I’m not feeling that way anymore, AND it’s time for, at the very least a lightning round update. If not something in depth. This is not going to end up in my drafts like the others, I am determined to put out something. I already changed the theme of the site to something recommended, and to something I do feel is fitting. It’s at the very least a solid start to whatever’s next.

What is next?

The truth is, I really don’t know yet, I had all the time in the world to go back to this, so even when I do have time, I don’t seem incredibly capable of making this site my main focus. Unfortunately, I’m still not there yet. And what I mean by “there” is that I’m still not out of survival mode. Me posting again, is of course a good sign. It means that some stuff has finally settled. But it’s still going to take awhile for me to be fully out of the woods.

Rebranding, writing, and everything that has to do with Monika, it’s likely that you will see more of me. But I’ve come to a point where I can not promise you or myself beyond what I feel I’m naturally capable of giving. Truly, no idea how much of this will come natural to me now. But again, take me being back as somewhat of a green light.

Back on my Feet & Building the Footing!

There has been a trio of grave problems circling my life, and interestingly enough, all of them have finally been put in the “managed” category. When I say I’m not out of the woods, these items are in a green category, but are still not absolutely settled. And these items are: housing, employment, and transportation. A nightmare on all fronts. And when I last left off this site, in terms of posts that I actually have posted, I had all three in the “about to lose it all category” Right before all of those things got put in the “not on the street, but technically homeless” category. There is a lot of explaining that’s going to have to go into this.

What the hell does “technically homeless” even mean???

It means that after my bankruptcy and my first eviction (yes first, of 2), I wasn’t able to live at my apartment. Crashed at Israel’s place for like a month, and then stayed in the same long term Airbnb for almost a year (until I got the second eviction). In that time, I had gotten better employment in Tech, something I was fighting for multiple years to get while in food service. Only to then lose it to a layoff about 3 months into the contract. And after the second eviction, while still trying to get the first one removed off my record, getting solid consistent housing under a normal lease had seemed just about impossible.

You got laid off? After Finally finding something? You got fired?

Well yes…

I was devastated, for like 3 days. And then for my own sanity, had to switch gears to ultra survival mode. Luckily we have gotten medicated, along with therapy (both courtesy of the bankruptcy). This had stabilized me enough to move forward. Things to note about the layoff itself and what it meant and still means.

I, nor the many others deserved it at all. They were even catching me at my best in terms of my efficacy, mood and drive as an employee. And I had never been fired before. Keep in mind that I had worked multiple food jobs across multiple years, and had to learn in several different shades, that I’m not the problem. I was NEVER the problem. Something I already knew, but have gotten reaffirmed al throughout this dark chapter. Having said all that, the past full decade as a whole has been a dark chapter.

…Transportation?

The van is GONE!!!! It fucking died on the highway, and I had to get another used car damn near same day. Unfortunately, as I don’t feel like reliving this part of the specific nightmare, generally I’ll say this, the second used car died before I was laid off. And it may have even played a role in sweeping me in the layoff…

Blunt Reality of this Past Year

I had to fight to stay housed, with no job, no car, for over a year. And It dragged on for so long. It really took me realizing I lacked transportation longer than I had no job, and I’ve been struggling with housing so long, I’ve nearly forgotten about all the car troubles. I had unemployment, Medicaid, and Snap. And of course, big help. My stepmother’s health insurance. With these things, I wasn’t able to hold on long enough for a smooth transition to the next chapter. Even now, there are problems.

BUT!!!!

And it’s a big BUT.

We have maintained something functional…

I now have another used car, of questionable quality, I am to figure out a solution once this one breaks down and or once my new job is solidified. I have a new job that is from the same place of my last. This is a contract role, so…. also questionable, at least until I convert. I’ll be fighting to make sure this happens. And most importantly, I now have a home. Yes a lease. But not to an apartment, to a house. A new home. One that I don’t have that much heart in. Somehow it does have less space than my old apartment, it’s not as nice.

BUT!

All three are managed, and the worst one to deal with (HOUSING) has strings in it. Because of all the chaos in terms of my leasing history, the lease required 2 months rent upfront as a security deposit. This is a private landlord luckily. No other nonsense fees. Most importantly, I was able to get into the lease an early termination clause that favors me.

It’s somewhat standard that a lease would contain a clause for early termination, where you have to give 60 days notice and 2 months rent to end a lease early. I’ve used the security deposit to my advantage, to where, if ANYTHING WERE TO HAPPEN! Believe me, I’m shocked and happy with my foresight as much as I can be. If anything were to happen, where I would need to leave the lease early, I can have them inspect the premises for damage, and once they give the okay, surrender my security deposit as the 2 months rent.

Now, I may need to re-look over the lease. And double check that they don’t expect me to keep paying rent in that 60 days. Or that they can’t charge it. I feel this is self-explanatory. And that the landlord isn’t going to be the hugest pain in the ass about it. I explained it to them previously why I would need it. They seem nice.

What exactly does this accomplish? Why is that clause so important?

It may not seem like it. But this is a huge deal in making sure that I’m fine if anything happens. I’m on the road to getting both evictions removed. Rebuilding my credit. A third eviction along with whatever debt I would owe if I were to be laid off again. I might’ve just killed myself. Not out of depression, but because of fighting so long, happy or sad, I wouldn’t have it in me to continue.

This also acts as both a launch pad and a bridge to the contingency plan I’ve already established. I don’t know how much I’ve described the general dynamics and the relationship I have with my entire extended family. But this summer, I have reconnected and re-established one bond. One single safety net. It’ll take a move, it’ll take some preparation. But, if I had to end everything right now, I have my aunt’s place, for damn near as long as I would need it. We have basically, in a way, already have done a test run of what this would be, and how this would operate, I was there in a spare bedroom for almost a month before my contract started.

This doesn’t mean everything is goddamn Peachy

It just means, that for once, even if everything goes to shit. I will have a plan, I will have time. I will have room to breathe space to sulk. And I will move forward just as I have. Having said that, while things aren’t peachy, and I certainly won’t have rose tinted glasses for this period, this moment I’m in is pretty cozy, and I do think this will in fact be the end of my endless survival state. We are transitioning to Monika’s life as a stable adult. Haven’t hit the chapter yet, and the anticipation is killing me.

Last few honorable mentions:

Things I haven’t dug into, bankruptcy, weight loss, going to the gym, anything that I really accomplished after losing work. Hell, I didn’t even get into the things I did in fact get into. What emotions I have felt, reliving using the bus, looking back through it all, moving forward looking backwards, staying in place. There is a lot there. And don’t even get me started on therapy. Just know that after re-reading quite a bit of the last few strings of posts, I realized, once again, that I never change, but I have grown exponentially. That seems to be all I can hope for.

Moving Forward (With Monika Red)

I’ve experimented in multiple different ways with how I would attack content creation with this site and also fanfiction. There’s AI, vocal transcriptions, and also just small updates. There’s full fledged updates. A bunch of drafts that I’m not fully sure what to do with, on top of things I’ve been wanting to do for a while.

And we’re going to start with what I do best, at a time I can do it best. The plan for what’s going to happen. I think I’m going to give a full fledged update. Covering everything I can think of from Point A (My last post) to Point B (right now). That’s of course going to be long. But what I’ve wanted to do, especially as time has dragged on without much content from me, I’ve wanted to give not just a full update, but a full chronological review of my past. All the way to when I started this blog, and even beyond that by a couple of years if it proves healthy and productive.

I’ve always re-done things, revisited things. In therapy, when things aren’t as chaotic as usual we’re usually talking about what’s next for therapy. What should we focus on. It was always just kind of an outlet, not fully for my emotions, but to verbalize plans for how I take and deal with everything. It’s necessary to verbalize, to fully cement it and create action behind it. Looking at my past, not just the events themselves, but my patterns, my flaws, my emotions, it’s bound to bring up patterns I never thought of.

To be very specific:

I plan to do a full fledged update. And then a full breakdown by year of events in my life. Because I realize my life was interesting, even before it got crazy. I just dealt with things nonchalantly, which always made my own stories feel not so serious or out of the ordinary. Once I’m done with that, I may write down and describe what I’ve learned. And then try to keep you updated with current things.

Even as things finally settle, it feels like there is something new every fucking day. And definitely every fucking week.

Thanx for Listening???

Links:

WordPress/Blog Site: https://Monikareddiary.com
Facebook: https://facebook.com/MonikaRedDiary
Nazi Twitter: https://twitter.com/MonikaRed1
Tumblr: https://tumblr.com/blog/monika-red-diary

Fanfiction:
Easy Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/~monikared
Permanent: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/13011946/

Alot has gone on. And I keep saying I’ll tell ya’ll about it. But the truth is I’m not healthy. I don’t believe in taking pain away through addiction. That, however, won’t stop me from… eating… I’m so tired. I think I’m in a hellscape of emptiness.

An emptiness and loneliness that’s making me crawl back everything. I’ve been in crisis mode for so long.

I can’t even finish this fucking post. What has this decade done to me. A bit overdramatic, but I’m starting to really feel like I don’t recognize me anymore. I’ve only been centered around things I don’t have. And I’m worried I’ll never have anything, let alone everything I want. Everything I deserve.

I know this is vague. Truly am just too tired to tell a full story.

You know what? I’ll leave this here, in the hope. That when I close my eyes. And wake back up in 5 hours, that everything will finally change for me.

I’ve had a couple of posts on the back burner. Wanting to type positivity; about where I’m at in life, and how everything is smoothing out.

FUCK THAT!!!

All that you need to know is that the bar I work at gave me extra hours in the form of barbacking after cooking hours on Sunday nights. Not the day I want. Not even the shift. But I took what I could get at the time.

6 months ago, we first worked together. But because it was my first time doing any of it, they shortened the barback shift by having me stay in the kitchen 2 hours longer than usual. Mind you, I have no experience. In all actuality, they threw this at me in lieu of server training.

So, of course, I’m asking a lot of questions. I have this barely organized list of what to do on the shift. Did all of it, but it took me extra time to figure out everything. I don’t know beer names, okay? Most of your time is eaten by two entities: stocking the coolers & and the chunk of all your closing responsibilities.

All this to say, we leave like 2:25. Which on my list is even earlier than the expected time. I will admit, because there were some things that weren’t on my first list, I just didn’t end up doing them. And she probably had to do them . That isn’t really my fault, and it obviously didn’t slow us down that much. But I do try to keep honest records, and it’s probably a big reason(but no excuse) for what happened next.

I came back two days later for my next kitchen shift to the manager telling me Kaylee complained about wanting to get out by like 2:30. And I’m like what the fuck does that even mean? He tells me that he’s going to keep watch and guide me through shit, I think, acknowledging that I was kinda thrown into it all.

…

Now, I truly don’t know how much I’ve discussed it in this diary site. I. HATE. Being micromanaged. Even if I need it. I hate the shit. This goes on for both my long ass shifts the second Sunday (cooking/barbacking). Because I’m new ish to both, he takes the chance to criticize whatever I’m doing, THAT WHOOOOOLE NIGHT!

But honestly, as annoying as it was, I do welcome constructive, warranted, or solicited. Most of the things he nagged me about were, at the very least, warranted…

But anyway, this time, I’m doing EVERYTHING. And while it’s taking me some time to get my groove, I’ve pretty much got all of my shit done. I’m ready to go when she’s ready to go. We leave at like 2:15. This time, I notice she’s leaving in a much better attitude this time.

So imagine MY SURPRISE when I hear from the same manager that I got the SAME COMPLAINT from this BITCH! And we gear up to do the exact same shit next Sunday. Only this time,me and the manager make a new and improved list, with a little extra.

This Sunday, we leave around the same time. Everything’s is smoother, and after that, no complaints. Outside of minor notes about times to do things and maybe additional things to do, this was how we went about Sunday bar closing for 5-6 months.

Kaylee and I had barely any issues…

Cut to like 3-4 weeks ago when she magically decides that moving the chairs around the bar is really the barback’s job halfway through a shift. I honestly forgot, but even if I remembered, I wouldn’t really give a shit because it wasn’t on the now existing general barback duties list.

This list was made because of my coworker who came in like a month after me, a new cook, and I had started taking barback shifts. It’s already been adjusted a few times. But it’s a clear list that makes sense.

Because I didn’t move the chairs and sweep around the bar, Kaylee, whenever she was done with whatever the hell she was doing angrily grabbed the broom and dustpan and glared at me and then took like 20 minutes to do it.

The next Sunday, she asked me to do it again along with sweeping under tables away from the bar and mopping around the bar AND wipe down the wells. Stuff she had NEVER ASKED PREVIOUSLY. Now I know what some of you are thinking. Stop whining and just do it. But when the manager tells you,”Anything not on this list isn’t being paid to be done.” Essentially saying it’s not your job. So, while I swept and mopped it, because I’m not just gonna outright ignore her. When I’m done she takes the fucking broom and we sweeps for another fucking 20 minutes. Glaring at me again as if to say, ‘You know that isn’t clean enough.’ Like what the hell do you mean? And passive-aggresively sweeping isn’t winning you anything.

The next week. I do sweep and mop. She seems to take issue with it again. I clean the wells this time, too. There are no issues with that. But again, with her being passive-aggressive and childish. At this point, I’m like, I really might just start ignoring this bitch.

Now we are at last night/this morning. It has been 2 hours since I drove off. And I’m still pissed. Long story short. I did everything… EARLY! EVERYTHING!!! Everything on the list, everything she’s recently tacked on. Everything. And I do it all early because she told me we were gonna fucking close and leave early. All of my shit is done at 1:30. And then I wait in the back because I don’t think she has much else to do, nor do I think she’ll take long doing it. Partially because I’m tired of her tacking on shit that I knew is truly her fucking job, but I digress.

39 minutes later, this bitch is FINALLY done, and looks at me and says, “Wow! Amazing! I’ve never seen this from a barback! Hiding in the backroom? Totally uncool!!!” And then she tells me my tipout is at the front and that she’s ready.

…

I was fuming, didn’t say shit though cause I was also ready. When we left, of course we didn’t say a word to each other. But she took it upon herself to go a step further to speedwalk her short ass to her car. Trying to put distance between us. Even though we have to park next to each other anyway. I was fuckin gone. But this day didn’t wash over me the way other days have. That’s why you’re even seeing this.

Kaylee, you’ve got me fucked up. You could’ve waited to take your first cigarette break at close or maybe even the second to close early with me like you fucking asked me to do. You spent damn near an hour outside and you want my fucking help doing your shit too? So, on top of doing all my jobs, AND doing everything the servers and cooks neglected, you want me to also do your motherfucking job while you smoke your Newports? You’re mad because I didn’t wipe down the bar for you, when you’re the motherfucking bartender?

Eat a dick Kaylee! After writing this up, it’s clear that you’re better off crying to yourself in the car because the incompetent alcoholics that will take my place will refuse to do even half as good as I do. Smoke up your Sundays in hell. Maybe if you weren’t such an inefficient, disingenuous hag, the owners would like you. They would put you and your three kids in a better position than Chloe and her two dogs. But no, people never learn or change. And me leaving will only rid her of the need to complain about people not doing their jobs as she will soon have to grasp that nothing she says or does from this point onward will matter as she in a way has doomed herself greatly.

…..

Thanx for Listening ???

Links:

WordPress/Blog Site: https://Monikareddiary.com
Facebook: https://facebook.com/MonikaRedDiary
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MonikaRed1
Tumblr: https://tumblr.com/blog/monika-red-diary
Fanfiction:
Easy Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/~monikared
Permanent: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/13011946/

For some reason in my absence, I’ve gotten more traction on this site than ever before. It’s the damn spam sites and traffic bits that have they’re fangs in. Nevertheless, it’s really starting to get to me how much this was a good outlet for me. And how I’ve let it sit to waste.

And now that I have a new phone, it feels even more wasteful. One of the bigger things to happen in my disappearance. What I can say right now is that I’ve moved out from the house for the final time.

There obviously was a lot with that alone. I’m just struggling to get back to myself. Lost a lot of weight from Covid. Gained most of it back. And I believe the one third that is still lost was muscle that I have been working to rebuild.

I can’t believe I’m saying this, I don’t think I could’ve imagined it before I did it. But I spent 4 grand building a computer. My life isn’t immediately “fixed” by it. But it’s such a comfort that I HAVE acknowledge it.

From this point still have the same job. That won’t be for too much longer though. Don’t remember quite when I stopped. Was definitely after Covid that it was just too painful. But I do plan on doing plasma donations again. There’s even a big bump to beginner donations, and as it has been months, this will be perfect.

There’s honestly soooooooo much to talk about. But as I still struggle with ADHD, I have to create a more inventive way to get me going.

Thanx for being there???

This is just a little something to hold you guys over.

Links:

WordPress/Blog Site: https://Monikareddiary.com
Facebook: https://facebook.com/MonikaRedDiary
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MonikaRed1
Tumblr: https://tumblr.com/blog/monika-red-diary
Fanfiction:
Easy Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/~monikared
Permanent: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/13011946/

This time I don’t have passive aggressive ass parents nagging me to buy a new phone. Also finally considering actually buying a new phone! See how that works? Christmas is bizarre ain’t it?

It is 3 a.m. Christmas morning as I type this. I apologize the update didn’t come blah blah never finished doing fanfiction blah blah. Visiting family is forcing me into writing.

First Night, already Drunk Confessions

Earlier my older cousin had asked if me and my sister had bedbugs, because she took us here and said she started feeling bumps on he skin. Keep in mind it’s like midnight and she’s drunk as fuck. And then that conversation led to a full out admittance of her admitting that our family isn’t alright.

The strange reassurance that everyone in the family is falling apart. A very strange u-turn from the girl who was telling me that Covid and inflation are just creating unnecessary fear, that we shouldn’t really worry about.

It’s not much that I couldn’t emotionally handle. To summarize all that I can remember from the conversation: I was told that my crazy aunt insisted that my completely normal aunt was fucking crazy. The cousin who has been most passive aggressive towards me about my absence from the family is just a crybaby with many problems who also creates new problems . My other cousin is surviving with 4 children but is of course in a tough spot wanting to buy a home and move out of that apartment.

She also drunkenly admitted that she never talked about the family that way with anyone period, it’s starting to wear her down too. I told her more about why we have been avoiding the family for that reason. Which lead to a discussion about me surviving living with dad. And the “fight we had gotten into. How depressing and exhausting everything had gotten after mom’s death, it seemed as though she had taken in too much and dipped out the conversation.

This wasn’t even the whole DAY!!!

Now I’m left, not a wreck, but emotionally shaken. It’s also a very scary time mentally. Because of them I am now fully having to consider buying the house from dad. And having to figure out how to do that, while thinking of a way to convince him.

It’s 3:30 now. And I feel ready to pass out. Full length post in 30 fucking minutes babe! Merry Christmas to all!

And Thanx for Listening???

Links:

WordPress/Blog Site: https://Monikareddiary.com
Facebook: https://facebook.com/MonikaRedDiary
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MonikaRed1
Tumblr: https://tumblr.com/blog/monika-red-diary
Fanfiction:
Easy Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/~monikared
Permanent: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/13011946/

I think this year, after the disasters I’ve faced, I can finally say I’m proud of myself. Family may be mad at me. I’m still technically driving illegally, and I am most likely gonna feel the effects of Covid until a year from now because my lazy ass didn’t get vaccinated…

This isn’t about a crazy long update. That may or may not come on my off days. This night, I am standing…. Sitting in a chair at almost 2 in the morning. Waiting for the crazy fratty shit in our sorority to pop off. I’m surprised I could stay awake this long with what I’ve been dealing.

What I CAN tell you:

It’s kinda rough because our alumni just aren’t showing up. We do have a low number of pledges this year. And they didn’t really show up last year. So it’s not entirely shocking.

Just somewhat amazed that I made it. And while a-lot has happened so far, I am almost done doing what I set out to do this year. I almost don’t know what to do with myself honestly.

And in this unprecedented time, I keep looking back like… How did I DO THAT???

Back to the subject!

Our pledges are going through our rooms to talk to the alumni. And while the fewer girls makes it easier to manage the night as a whole, it also kinda makes things more tiring because everything has to get stretched out.

I mean Hell night finishes around 6-7 in the morning. We literally always go out to eat breakfast too. I’m just taking a break after talking to one of our alumni.

What I can remember…

Last hell night, because my pledge (earlier in pledging) dropped for anxiety reasons, I was helping setup behind the scenes shit with the hell night events. I kinda did the same shit this time, but on a smaller scale because of a smaller group of girls.

And it’s a little depressing, especially with the consistent talk and fears of our chapter pretty much dying. But I have faith that we’ll be fine.

That’s pretty much it I guess…

I just wanted to first and foremost write SOMETHING? I have like 7 drafts from now and my last post, and I figured trying to just do a shorter entry would be nice for once and I can finally get something out.

Thanx for Listening

Links:

WordPress/Blog Site: https://Monikareddiary.com
Facebook: https://facebook.com/MonikaRedDiary
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MonikaRed1
Tumblr: https://tumblr.com/blog/monika-red-diary
Fanfiction:
Easy Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/~monikared
Permanent: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/13011946/

I’m essentially worried about if I am gonna get to work soon if at all. Last week, I had done an interview and was told that I’d be contacted on Monday. Well, it’s Monday and I have not been called or texted.

That’s not the only thing; the same day the interview happened, dad started texting me about what my plan was. At this point, there isn’t really much of a plan other than me leaving when he kicks me out. If I tell him that though, he’ll just rush to kick me out.

This is coming after alot of things have been pushed back, so there is a lot that’ll be up in the air until maybe the end of September-ish. And I’m just trying to stay secure in this home for as long as possible.

As I was typing, I had gotten contacted.

I really should stop letting myself get so worked up and worried about the inevitable. Nothing has been said by dad, but that could possibly be a good thing. The closer we get to my birthday (next week), the more time I have to get my shit on the right-ish track.

And I’ve just been hired for closing hours from now all the way to Sunday. The paycheck is next Friday. Meaning I will get paid sooner than later. The only drawback is that tips are calculated in taxes. And that they tax a pretty decent amount.

Positive developments aside…

Still anxious about getting a call from dad. And not being able to do the things I need to accomplish. I’ll be okay… But I just can’t help but worry about the inevitable. Least I have a damn job now!

Thanx for Listening???

Links:

WordPress/Blog Site: https://Monikareddiary.com
Facebook: https://facebook.com/MonikaRedDiary
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MonikaRed1
Tumblr: https://tumblr.com/blog/monika-red-diary
Fanfiction:
Easy Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/~monikared
Permanent: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/13011946/

Well, I’m positive that this summer will rank high in how insane it was. It’s insane to me that we’re near the end of July and I didn’t post anything from my last post. And it’s also insane that after so long a period of not delivering anything, I ended up getting a lot more views on that post than I normally get.

Oh well, part of the reason that is, my life ended up being more chaotic and up in the air. At least, I have good eyes for looking ahead. That kinda worries me though.

Well then, tell us what’s positive at the very least.

…

…

I passed my driving test!!!

Only missed 5 points (out of 200) because of the ever-so-bullshit rolling stop claim. Just practiced driving all day beforehand. The reason this was a huge stress reliever was because during Covid. It became impossible to schedule the driving test unless it was AT LEAST a month in advance.

And I had found this out as I was trying to schedule for a week later back in late June. It upset me because that fully raised the stakes of me needing to pass.

I mean congratulations… but why does that mean anything, can’t you just retake it later?

My temporary tags for the car I bought expired around the time of my last post; that was like over half a month ago. It’s one thing to drive without a license or insurance, just praying not to get pulled over.

It’s another thing to pray to not get pulled over with temporary tags. They love pulling cars over that don’t have actual license plates.

And it’s a very different realm of irresponsible to do all that with them having been expired.

I do recognize that this sort of anxiety may be irrational.

That doesn’t mean it won’t happen. In fact, the way I see it, of all the cars on the road, the ones without plates stick out the most. And I’m just happy I won’t have to wait a whole month for that.

Luckily, one of the newest girls in my sorority let me use her car for the exam. It was practically in and out as far as taking the test. Me parking was pretty pathetic, but she seemed too ready to get out.

I think luck was on my side, they were clearly short-staffed and busy that day. So it was obvious to me that because I wasn’t a complete and absolute fuckup, she was comfortable just passing me without caring. Irresponsible, but I don’t give a flying fat rats ass.

Pretty much ready to drive legally now.

What about the rest of the fog?

I can’t remember if I told you guys or not but my friend tried to get me a job where he works. Pretty much assured me I was getting it, now almost 4 weeks have gone by and only now, after I had to ask him, he told me that the hiring managers aren’t hiring…

My friend is obviously stupid.

This is what’s bringing me down right now, as the only thing that’s really been holding me down financially, was plasma donations. Because I didn’t go out to look for another job because I’ve been told repeatedly that I was gonna get it.

What can we expect to hear from you?

There was going to be this long ass rant about a stupid nurse that caused me huge distress while was donating plasma, and it was gonna be posted a long time ago.

There was also gonna be a post about how my brother fraternity was exposed by a former member. And that would’ve went along with this update. Reason being, that after 9 hours of practicing driving, then going out to drive, this was both the day the plasma donation incident occurred and when a twitter confession was posted about my pledge brothers and entire fraternity.

Literally, all the same day. The rant about the nurse would’ve started it off, but because of WordPress fully being awful, I had gotten like 2,000 words written, and they wouldn’t save. The app just gave up on me and deleted the post which pissed me off to an extreme level that I almost didn’t want to touch it.

So much had to surround one of the most monumental achievements so far. You can see why it’s difficult to be positive.

That’s not all just yet!

I’m going to be doing a continuation of the license update. Once I’m fully registered, insured, and licensed. I want the completely cemented in this blog’s history. And on to the next goal. Trying to stay… positive…

Thanx for Listening ???

Links:

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So I’m having to rewrite 80% of this goddamn rant because the internet at the Plasma Donation Center didn’t save this properly…

This is just adding on to how pissed I am right now. I’m gonna just say that there have been a total of 2 severe instances of careless practices in this center. The first one was early July last year. It was my literal second time donating. And I was really only doing it because my friend needed me to go a second time with him for him to get a referral bonus.

We are now a week removed from the incident…

The preface of the rant above was me attempting to find a will to write after writing 90% of a huge post with one hand. My left one in fact, because the nurse I had fuck up my left arm and re-stuck the needle in my right arm. Meaning I had to use my fucked up left arm to type, and oh I did.

I’ve now got more shit to talk about, but let’s start again with last July.

Last year: The incident that kept me from donating

It was pretty much the same as the first time I went. Except, whoever the nurse was that stuck me, dug the needle in too deep. Not only does that fuckin hurt, but it doesn’t get as much blood.

And once I got to like 80%, it just stopped it’s progress. This was before they had armrests or the little blood pressure pumps. So they just resorted to telling patients to pump and squeeze their hand. They still do this, but it’s really unnecessary.

So, I just kinda waited there at 80 percent for like 40 minutes without them checking up on me or even noticing. Then my arm was asleep and my hand was both asleep and cramped to the extreme.

So I called the nurse over, and she just told me to keep squeezing.

The bitch really just jumped out of me!

“I’ve been squeezing this damn hand for 40 minutes at 80%. Now it hurts too damn much, can one of ya’ll please just come over here.” I didn’t yell it, but it was loud enough that everybody there heard. I was not getting ignored anymore.

And then when I EVENTUALLY got finished, the dude that took me off said I was only getting the base pay instead of the beginner’s bonus I was promised. This was because my friend didn’t bring me there quick enough to get the bonus.

I was livid. I had speed walked my way out of there, only to hear that I forgot my big ass purse in the cubby. Had to power walk back and then speed walk back out, some dude was like “damn she’s trying to escape.” Literally everyone but me was laughing. I almost laughed, but that saline had me in panic.

Slightly over a year later…

Still low key mad about it, cause I only just started doing it again this month, and they gave me the full starter bonus even though I was still in the system. And they have the arm pumps attached to the machines now, so it’s no issue.

The only issue I’ve had recently was with one of the nurses. And I want to preface the next part by saying she was a nice person, who I think has only a little too much fun. The problem is, my fuckin blood and time is involved, so take that clownery to another patient.

Crystal, the old young lookin, clown asshole from the Plasma Donation Center

So Israel and I both have the same donation days. And before donating, I hadn’t eaten or drank anything because I spent all day practicing for my driver’s test (which I passed). So when we met up he said congratulations. The day was a good day.

We got up on the seats, next to each other, because that’s the order the line went anyway. But then Crystal told me to move over to the back because she needed someone to use that machine before they turn it off for whatever fucking reason.

The nightmare begins…

After like 20 minutes they finally get to me. And that already irks me because Israel and I were going to be hooked up right before she asked me to move. And we already were kept waiting to that point.

She gets over to me, and you’d think that’s where we begin… WRONG!!!

What I know about her:

She’s gotta be in her late 40s at least. This isn’t really much of a guess, I’m just judging from her oldest child being 28. She has 8 kids, and she’s pregnant with the 9th one currently. She had gotten an eviction notice but was able to dispute the claim.

Crystal smokes, has been a nurse at this specific plasma center for about 8 months, and has a side-ish/used to be main gig as a literal clown. She gets hired for birthday parties for children, and a lot of the time the adults like playing around with her more than the children do.

Her oldest is 27, the next 2 are 22 and 23. The 3 after are teens, and the last 2 are infants. She has her oldest watch and take care of the infants while at work. And because she doesn’t make enough money to feed them as much, she has her parents take care of the teens.

Monika, why do you know this much about Crystal?

Because her ass never SHUTS UP! She was over near my machine for 25 more minutes just giggling and talking and shit. Fuming. But it doesn’t end there. She then sticks me without paying attention, it hurt a little but that I didn’t mind. After 20 minutes more, for whatever reason, she decides she needs to re-stick me…

…

I’m gonna be just the tiniest bit over-dramatic, but the following will be the full truth.

She pulls the needle out, again carelessly. This time hurt like hell, in a way that I was not used to or prepared for. And the blood floods out while she’s trying to get a new needle. Thank god I had napkins because her ass was not paying attention.

What followed was excruciating. She then proceeded to jam the new needle in the same hole, but because the vein was too open proceeded to pull the needle in and out a literal 20 times. I could feel like 5-7 veins get shanked a couple of times each. I

kept moaning in pain and she ignored it. It was a sharp jolt everywhere each time she did that. Crystal finally let it settle in, and she went to get the plastic tube connector. Because of that, she let go of the tube that was attached to the needle that was in my arm.

You wanna talk about motherfucking bloodshed?

As she dropped it, blood flung everywhere! And of course, I freak the fuck out and yelp as blood starts flowing onto the seat. She was like “what is it?” I’m panting and can feel the blood rushing out of me. Not completely aware of why or how, but feeling the blood flow out via machine is much different than this situation.

I definitely wasn’t gonna faint, but that shit had me scared. How does Crystal respond? She’s just like “oh… you had me thinking it was something serious.” And then proceeded to hold the leaky tube while continuing to try to grab the tube to the machine. Blood still somewhat leaking out of the needle tube because she’s not holding it steady, BECAUSE SHE’S NOT FUCKING PAYING ATTENTION!!!

This is where panic and fear turn into COMPLETE BLISTERING OUTRAGE

I can feel my damn arm go to sleep, she finally has the tubes connected and then looks at me. “Why you lookin at me like that, it isn’t that much blood.”

There is blood on my arm, shorts, shirt, legs, on the damn seat, and a few droplets on the other side of the seat. It was a fuckin mess. And where she re-stuck me with the needle hurt like hell because of all the damage done previously. Needless to say, I just glared at her. If I start making a scene, and the other nurses know that Crystal fucked up, I suffer.

They’ll give me the 60 day deferral from donating even they were the ones that fucked up. I just bit my tongue, but she fully got the message.

Alright, this is totally the end of the story… … … …

Obviously, this train-wreck had to continue. 20 minutes after that hellish situation, Crystal comes back and says she’s gonna have to re-re-stick me. Yes, this actually happened. At this point she said fuck it, I’m gonna have to do the other arm. Which was somewhat relieving, somewhat horrifying. This is because, she’s gonna have to do exactly what she did earlier, but essentially reaching across, my chair and body to access the machine.

For some reason my right arm, and not my left, has lots of dark patches from eczema. Crystal noticed and decided to lecture me about how vitamin E would help to get rid of it. Though she eventually stopped fucking talking, because I wasn’t responding with anything but glares. Yeah she was much more careful that time. Because my right arm has better blood flow, she kept asking me why I wouldn’t use that arm normally.

Didn’t answer because even if it wasn’t rhetorical, fuck Crystal.

The reason why I don’t like sticking my right arm.

The same reason everyone else chooses their left. So they could be on their phones. I think I may have mentioned it in the last posts I made; I enjoy typing this stuff up while sitting there getting blood drawn for an hour. If not just playing chess online or literally anything else. It’s much harder to do that with my left.

That’s why this whole incident stings mentally also, both my arms were fucked. Meaning I had to wait out the hour while in pain with nothing to do. When Crystal stuck my right arm, it didn’t splat around like earlier, but there was still more spilled blood for no reason. And the needle hurt like hell like the other times.

The cherry on top of everything that visit.

Even with all this disaster, I was still pretty much done at the exact same time as Israel. I think it’s because girls get done there quicker, and because his got paused at some point for whatever reason. But then, he got disconnected and I was just waiting. And this waiting continued on for 30 minutes, with cold ass saline in my system, before I finally got taken off.

But there was one moment when one of the dudes that worked in the back came out and was low-key roasting Crystal. He was talking about how, she broke the cup she was holding with her nails because she wasn’t paying attention. I was like damn, a plastic cup? It was fucking hilarious.

Once I was off the machine, I had to go back around and grab my purse from the previous cubby. The dude who was sitting in the chair that the cubby belonged too was like. “Awww damn, she had you move over there?” I just shook my head and he started dying laughing. This time though, I didn’t have the strength to power walk any-damn-where. I damn near limped to the exit, with both my arms bandaged up. I could see the security guard pitying me on my way out.

There’s still one more tidbit I have to bring up.

This of course was not the last time I dealt with Crystal. 2 days after, I woke up really early for my donation day. And went there before it opened hoping that I could avoid Crystal. 5 minutes before it opened however, I see her leave her car, and head toward the entrance. I almost laughed, because I knew for a fact that I would get her no matter how many nurses would be sticking people.

Hod playing another dick joke on me. And it was ultra effective. After waiting forever for everyone to get setup. I got to lay down third, with three others taking the first, second, and fourth spot respectively. Of course there was one nurse who wasn’t Crystal, trying to stick all four of us. Crystal was in the back changing.

This is how I know this directly had something to do with my Karma.

As she was almost finished with the second person, Crystal came up with the shelf while walking directly towards me. I was literally screaming NO over and over and over while looking at the other nurse. But she had already skipped over me and went to the fourth person in our row.

So out of the 4 that were sitting there, the single person that gets sticked by Crystal is me… Can’t make this shit up. I really cackled a little bit. Fortunately for me, this time she was tired and somewhat depressed and less talkative. Praise whatever higher power that chose to give me a little MERCY.

This went smoothly, didn’t hurt like last time. But there was still blood leaking from the hole where I got stuck. And this is me using my right arm because I wanted her nowhere near my left. No other nurse has ever had blood leak from my arm when sticking me, even the several new ones that I’ve gotten sticked by. And for that, I just can’t forgive Crystal.

I know this thing is dragging on, but I have 2 more things on my mind.

It’s been a couple of weeks since all that. Haven’t been sticked by Crystal yet. It seems like her along with several of the other experienced nurses are leaving soon. So holding out that she either leaves or gets fired. The more donations I do early in the day, the more shit I hear people talk. I’m very much here for that drama.

And one of them, who has the same days as I do said Crystal was nice but fucks up a-lot cause she doesn’t stop talking. And you know, I have been reaffirmed several times in my life that I’m right in my thinking. Still, I always enjoy the validation of being correct.

Of course I told the entire line of people what she did and showed them the scar.

Recovering:

While it’s finally not painful to the touch, and my arm doesn’t get sharp pains from stretching, I still won’t forgive. There is a scar and a lump where all the shanking took place. It literally felt like she went fishing in my arm with a needle. And now, I’m gonna have to explain to the other nurses why they need to avoid that hole. They are trained to look for pre-existing holes because that means a vein is there.

It even felt like my bicep got popped. I reallyy only donate now out of necessity. And I am not excited to deal with the next fuckup at the Plasma Donation Center.

…

Thanx for Listening! ???

Links:

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Permanent: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/13011946/